I was just sick for over a week, a time during which I was in constant pain rendering me largely incapable of doing work, eating just about anything that wasn't bread or rice, or even sleeping for the most part. During this time I only left the house for brief walks, or to go to doctor's appointments. For the most part, I was completely useless, and all I really could do was lie around, read if the pain receded a little, and use various forms of media, mostly through my phone. How that last thing affected me will be the topic of this post. While a fair amount of the time "on my phone" was just me lying down listening to various music, I won't pretend I spent any small amount of time watching Youtube, or various TV shows. I watched probably over 30 episodes of a video game play list, hundreds of short several miscellaneous sketches, and almost an entire season of a show I've been watching. I also spent way too much time reading posts and comments on internet forums, and playing a mobile game called Dragalia Lost. As I said, useless. The interesting thing though, was how quickly I got bored. Saturday night was the first time the pain was able to keep me up at night, and while I spent most of Sunday with my sisters and some of Monday with my mom, by Monday night I was already incredibly bored.
To assuage my boredom I started texting friends, some of which I hadn't seen in a while just to have someone to talk to. Even if the messages I was sent were came slowly
because sometimes those friends were at school just waiting for more messages to come and thinking of what to say was a lot more interesting than what I'd be doing otherwise. I missed being able to talk to people face to face though, and without as much school stuff to talk about, less conversations were spent just having fun venting or poking fun at classes. Even so, text conversations were only able to take up part of my day, since I didn't want to distract people from home or classwork. In addition, a few of my friends suggested different things on the internet to take up my time, or wanted to talk about a show or news event. These conversations were still nice, but talking about the subjects that I was essentially trying to get away from was less than pleasant.
Nights were the worst. I couldn't sleep, and never had anyone to talk to, so I just stayed in bed for hours on end just looking at my phone or lying awake thinking. At some point I started to lose track of time. Sometimes days or nights would be shorter or longer, seemingly at random. I sort of felt like I was going crazy. I was fully aware that I was accomplishing nothing, and it made me feel useless. I kept trying to tell myself I'd do something the next day, like cooking, drawing, literally anything, but I guess I just lost motivation. My attention span greatly decreased. I might click on a video, watch it for a few minutes, then stop, bored. I knew I needed to do things, that I'd be way behind in school, but every time I tried to sit down and do something the pain broke my focus and I was lucky to get a few sentences in. Anyway, if you decided to read all this, thanks for listening to the rantings of a useless insane person.
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